Braving the changes

Over the years I have come to know my mind as a sneaky character, not always so willing to make the best decisions for my future self. Before I know it, I’m hurtling down the rabbit hole, hiding from the world.

Yesterday in therapy we went into depth about the beliefs that rule my life, it’s been a bit of thing to unpack and deconstruct them. I realize that a big part of my identity is built upon untrue ideas I picked up and put in my backpack along the way. Although untrue, I believe them wholeheartedly. Slowly slowly slowly, real slowly changing that.

My emotions play a role and often mind and heart are in cahoots. I’m scared of being of happy, just now someone steals it or takes it with them when they leave. We like to keep happiness hostage instead of setting it free, so we cultivate and curate in order to have our lives look like happiness lives there. In truth it has a life span of the butterfly and a good amount of that time is spent as a caterpillar. It takes a lot of consciousness this life thing.

The whys behind our actions really lead the way.

I’m starting to understand why I am so committed to my craft and solo venturing through the world. Although wholesome reasons also apply, the core instigators are fear and control. Two seemingly negative and judgy emotions but give them a safe space and a little bit of time to unfold you sit with deep wounds that need tending. If left, it could result in knee jerk reactions damaging to yourself and those you love. Knowing this helps me find an identity outside of work and solitude, in a way putting down my sword and shield.

Hence some big changes in the studio over the next few months.

Starting off with a revamp; a big sale; a bit of rethinking the business; a new city based project we’ve been wanting to get off the ground; maybe even an assistant and a team. Ok, slowly slowly now.

Catch up next week

Stefni